It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
