well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Thank you for not boning my boss.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
