His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Randomize
