Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
