My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Randomize
