be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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