i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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