I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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