She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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