Dual....:-)
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I wish they made helmets for livers.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Randomize
