i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
