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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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