my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
