even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
