i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
