he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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