I heard we made out
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
It's just like the Real World with babies
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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