her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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