My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Randomize
