i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
