I accidentally had phone sex last night
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
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