this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Randomize
