so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
she told me i tasted like america
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
