dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
you have to choose: penises or morals?
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
