hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
These tits shall not be calmed
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
