i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
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