idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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