I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I smell stomach acid.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Randomize
