Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I accidentally burped into my bong.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
