why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
