Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
