Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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