how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
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