jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
