I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
