Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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