I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
