good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
It was confusing and full of hummus
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
