threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
Randomize
