I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize