My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
