I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
vagina is talking i cant
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Randomize
