I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
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