im drinking this country out of the recession.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
