So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
If I die, sorry about rent.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
