Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Randomize
