what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
