I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
