i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
She bit a glass in half.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
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