you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
