haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Randomize
