i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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